
It was just your regular lesbian barbecue. I was being just your regular dutiful queerboi, helping out at the grill to honor the goddess within, because women hold up half the sky, because sisters were doin' it for themselves and because sisterhood feels good.Being my serious respectful lesbian self I was very careful to keep the veggie-burgers on their own little separatist spot on the grill, away from the bloody, rapidly burning animal flesh I was also attempting to cook. I was flipping dutifully away until—without thinking-- I used the very edge of the spatula I had been using to turn the meat to pry up a corner of a vegan burger so I could assess for fire damage. My zen-like cooking state was interrupted by a bloodcurdling scream. My first thought was that my shorts were on fire and or that we were about to be attacked by a herd of roving Tasmanian three toed wildebeest that are so common in West Philadelphia this time of year.
After a long moment I ascertained that I was neither on fire not being attacked by any variety of wildebeest. It was then that I realized what I had done. Alas, it was too late. A vegetarian sister had been so horrified by my admittedly careless treatment of the animal flesh versus non animal flesh diving line that she had to be left away and immediately enrolled in a womb-like support group for womyn recovering from post traumatic meat disorder. The mood of the barbecue became somber all around.
I didn't dispute that my screaming vegetarian sister had every right to object to my contaminating act. I respect that some folks have moral, religious, political and philosophical reasons to abstain from meat and using animal products.
However I'm not convinced that creaming in someone's ear while they are tending a somewhat open fire is actually a safe (never mind polite) practice. I'm not trying to silence anyone, merely suggesting that the handy volume control we all possess for our voices be judiciously used in this type of case.
Carnivores I'm beginning to think are the barebackers of the lesbian world with parallel hassles, rationalizations and excuses.
Yeah I know eating animals is risky but I'm so tired of being careful.
Veggie burgers just don't feel the same.
Tofu dogs taste like plastic.
Animals have to die sometime anyway.
Why do you think they spent all that money developed anti-cholesterol drugs?
It's not that I'm proud that I eat the flesh of defenseless animals but I do get annoyed with vegetarian rhetoric and antics. Yeah, I admit that being a carnivore isn't the best thing for the earth or great for my health and it's definitely not awesome for the animals.
I guess somewhere deep inside (deeper than my stomach) I think vegetarians are right.
This annoys me a great deal.
So I guess I'll become a vegetarian.
Maybe right after I finish this veal.